I died on January 11, 2000. My heart stopped and my lungs quit functioning. There was no heartbeat and no air going into and out of my lungs. There was no time; no past, no present, and no future. I was not aware that I existed. I was gone.

Twenty-five minutes later my heart was restarted and my lungs inflated. And, I was taken off of a heart/lung bypass machine. Three hours later I became conscious and a breathing tube was taken out of my throat. I had been unconscious for five hours while undergoing open heart surgery to repair the mitral valve in my heart. I was totally unaware and I only knew that I was alive when I woke up.

This has happened again in 2013 when I had a five hour operation to rebuild my broken arm from a bike accident. At stage 4 anesthesia there is no awareness. A total blank. This is unlike sleep where one dreams and there are at times some sense of awareness.

Based on my personal experience, my belief is that when I die, it will like going into a deep sleep and not waking up.  My body will be gone. I will no longer cast a shadow. I will no longer exist. So, there is really no need to be afraid of being dead. I just won’t exist. Just like my parents, Frances and Lee, my brother Gordon, and my son Brian, no longer exist; and my deceased friends and billions of other humans in the past.

Being born is waking up having not gone to sleep. I will be in the same place as I was in March 1941 prior to my conception. No place. And of course, there is the mystery. Who knows if there is life after death? No one knows and if someone professes to know, they are coming from their own personal subjective experience.  

Now how about the process of dying. That I fear. I used to joke that some idiot is  going to whisper in my ear on my deathbed “This is going to be a growth experience.” I now know that it is. Some die quickly almost instantaneously like my son Brian who was killed in an auto accident. But many die slowly. And for those who do, it can be a transcendent experience. 

I have been reading Grace in Dying by  Kathleen D Singh. She was with hundreds of individuals who were dying and found that almost all of them  moved through phases of chaos, acceptance and then surrender leading to peace and transcendence. I hope to do that and to rise above the suffering when I am dying.

I know that as one approaches death, material things fall away and relationships and connection with others emerge to be the most important. I do believe that we are born to love, and that love is perhaps all that ultimately matters to us.

What is your take on dying?

Life after death? Continued consciousness?


3 thoughts on “DEATH”

  1. Bruce – at one level I don’t focus much on death because like you I believe that it’s likely when I die my body and myself will largely disappear

    But at another level the prospect of death is or should be quite a wake up call, in the sense that I could die today or in 20 years . The realization that I could die in the near future sometimes energizes me to show up in the best way possible Right now. And the prospect that others could die today or in the near future sometimes causes me to be more vocal about how important those other people are to me.



  2. I really like this post, Bruce. Mainly the ending when you said love is ultimately all that matters. I have pondered this one a lot. What happens after our bodies die. I hesitate to say, when “we” die. No, when our bodies die. Because I do believe that our soul, or our consciousness, goes on. Where to and how… I have no idea at all. And you’re right, none of this can be proven using measurement equipment. This now enters the realm of trust, and faith.


  3. Meaningful words Bruce!
    Your line “coming from their subjective experience “ struck me as key. Isn’t your love for Judith a beautiful subjective experience?
    I know that “I” am not my body, and I know intuitively that my body has to dissolve so that I can be free to have an even greater subjective experience. I can only dream what that will be like. The energy I feel just writing this tells me I am being drawn to something good. Who knows…


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